Balance

I do sincerely believe life is about balance. Bad and good cannot operate fully with out each others presence, nor can one fully appreciate one without the other. Being mindful of this concept under duress is sometimes easier said than done however.

This will come as a surprise to essentially all of you, and is still quite filled with shock for myself: I am now back in Canada, much to my chagrin.

I had 3 months remaining in my contract on Kosrae, and was planning on traveling afterwards or possibly finding work elsewhere abroad. Sadly, those plans never came to fruition. While the tone of this composite of verbal diarrhea has been positive focussed thus far, a less than ideal situation occurred throughout my stint on Kosrae that I chose not to worry those back home with.

The details are personal and very raw, but to provide you all with background, the long and the short of it is, my personal safety became jeopardized and was escalating in a manner that I didn't feel would be wise to remain on island. Amongst a slew of unnerving events, my home was broken into 3 times during the middle of the night while I and my roommate(s) were home sleeping. In the beginning we chose to downplay, and even laughed off some of the happenings, but more recently things became far too close. The escalation process essentially involved bedrooms being entered in the middle of the night, amongst other unsettling events. To reassure you all, whatever plans our midnight visitors had once they were in the bedrooms were not executed, however this fact has not helped me sleep much at night.

I knew going to the island that it was an extremely patriarchal society, and regardless of my views this was something I choose not to pass judgement on. However, when the realization that I was living in a land where a man could take from me whatever he wanted with no legal or social consequences simply because I was female became far too crystal clear, it became a more difficult concept to swallow.

The situation combined with being uprooted from my home, insecure and less than ideal housing options, as well as shockingly little organizational support lead me to a position where I felt I would be playing with fire in staying on island.

I am whole-heartedly devastated about this entire situation. It was excruciating for me to leave my students behind, and it was a tear-filled classroom on my last day with them. Being such amazing kids, through tears and hugs, I was sung to before my final steps out of my classroom door. Steps through that door may just have been some of the hardest I will ever take.

My initial reaction to the events, was in true form to my stubborn demeanour. Plowing through everything and not allowing someone to make choices for me is typical behaviour for me, as you all know. In this situation though, not being able to sleep at night was rapidly taking a toll, and I knew the situation would only worsen. I have never been one to function well without sleep, and a shell of me isn't much use to the children I desperately dreaded walking away from.

My time on Kosrae, through good and bad, will always be very special to me. I loved so much about my time on island, and will never be able to describe the physical beauty I was blessed to breathe in every day. I am furious that a handful of individuals were able to take my remaining time away from me, but I will not allow them to take my beautiful memories or taint my perspective on the past 7 months of my life.

Once I am rested and more centred, I will be fully focussed on casting out positive energy into the universe in hopes for positive return. I have always had faith in this concept, and hope to be brought more wonderful opportunities soon. I anticipate my integration back home to be a roller-coaster at times, but know this bump in the road will not stop me in my quest for all things beautiful and soul-enriching in this world.

On a more positive note, my trip to Hawaii was renewing and very much needed.

Eating great food was definitely the highlight, and I'm sure this has not been a surprise to anyone who knows me. As far as vacationing with a partner goes, I'm sure Chris appreciated how low-maintenance island living has made me. I was thrilled with some hot water, a full belly, and someone to share time with. However, a week was far too little time, and we definitely struggled to pack everything we wanted to see and do into that week. It was the first time I've found myself stressed about scheduling in a long time. In the end, we managed to get in some great whale-watching, ride horse-back on the beach, surf some decent (albeit cold, for me) waves, see many stunning sunsets, watch pros surf the infamous Pipe for Volcom's Pro Comp., and attend a Luau ceremony. We were both bummed to have booked a shark dive excursion only to have it cancelled due to high surf warnings, but all the reason to go back…

Stay tuned for photos.

( photo: My last glimpse of my home in Kosrae, located just in-coast from the large strip of land extending into the sea )